Slow Down, Will Ya?

I used to think that technological advancements were amazing. I couldn’t wait to see what was next. Now, I just want to keep using what I’ve already figured out.

I used to make fun of folks who shunned new technology. “Why wouldn’t you want to learn new and better ways to do things?” I thought.

Not anymore. I’ve become that person.

I realize that things change and improve, but do they have to change so darn fast?

Just when I figured out how to keep the VCR from flashing twelve o’clock, DVD players came out. Now I have Internet Wi-Fi to watch the same shows and movies that I used to be able to pop in a tape to see.

I remember getting my first wristwatch that didn’t require winding. It had a battery. That was pretty amazing. I no longer had to remember to wind my watch every day. Now, many folks don’t even wear a watch. They look at their phone to see what time it is.

Speaking of that, I’m still amazed that I can talk on a phone that’s not connected to the kitchen wall. If someone had told me 35 years ago that one day I would drive down the road and talk on a phone, I would have thought they’d been hanging out with Otis from The Andy Griffith Show.

Not only can we now talk on a phone in a car, the car and the phone talk to us. Even when we don’t want them to.

One of the features on my iPhone allows some lady named Siri to assist me. I sometimes summon Siri when I’m trying to find a place I’ve never been. You put in the address you want to reach, and while you’re driving she tells you how to drive and where to turn. Before Siri, wives provided this service.

If you forget to turn Siri off when your trip is complete, she’ll sometimes start talking to you after you’ve gone somewhere else. Somewhere else, such as a public restroom. At least, that’s what I heard.

Whenever I go into a public restroom these days, everything is now automatic. I find myself reaching for a knob to turn on the water, but there aren’t any. Ditto for handles on the toilets. I find it a little creepy that a toilet even knows that I’m there; much less that it knows when to flush.

The same goes for the sink. You have to wave your hands in front of the little eye on the faucet so hard that when it comes on, I normally sling water all over the mirror, the walls and me. Then I have to sling more water everywhere when I move my hands in front of the towel dispenser, which almost always gives me fewer paper towels than I need to clean up the mess.

But TV remote controls? That’s another story. I love TV remote controls. They are undoubtedly one of the most marvelous inventions ever. They’re better than sliced bread. Sliced bread can’t change the channel from my La-Z-Boy.

Remote controls allow me to watch whatever I want. Which normally is some show about some new technological marvel that’s coming out soon that I’m going to have to master.


©2015 John Moore

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