Some men do things they aren’t supposed to when their wife leaves town. I’m no exception.

I kissed her goodbye and told her that I loved her, I would miss her, and to tell her mother hello. The first chance I got after her departure, I did a rapid, cursory inspection of the refrigerator.

Just as I suspected. It was full of healthy food.

I toppled the stacks of fat-free yogurt as I parted them like the Red Sea, looking for something that ...