There It Is

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to find something you’ve misplaced is to buy another one.

I don’t know what magical event occurs when you buy a replacement for that one thing you really need but can’t find, but it’s a real occurrence.

No? Then why do I have six measuring tapes? Two battery testers? Four lawnmower keys? Seven TV remotes?

It never fails. Whenever a measuring tape is needed, it’s nowhere to be found. I dig through the toolbox, ...

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Discounting The Past

It wasn’t my idea of a vacation, but I went anyway.

Reagan was happily in the White House. I was reluctantly in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

The choice had been either a relaxing summer trip to the lake, or a marketing convention.

I lost the coin toss.

In an effort to make the best of it, I arose early before the first day of the convention, quietly dressed, and steered the Dodge out of the motel parking lot and into the morning.

I was searching for ...

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Vacuuming Sucks

Vacuum cleaners have come a long way. Too far, if you ask me.

My grandmother and all of her friends had a canister vacuum cleaner. It looked like a piece of rocket booster that NASA clipped off a Saturn 5 and gave to Electrolux. A motor was inserted to the inside, along with a collection bag, and a hose to the outside.

My grandmother and her friends would drag the canister vacuum around the house on its wheels and pick up all ...

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Do You Want Fries With That?

We all have that one friend who never seems to age. You know, the one from high school who shows up at the class reunion and they look just like they did in 12th grade?

I have no idea what causes a person to look exactly the same as they did at age 18, even when they’re 60, but I didn’t get any of that. Matter of fact, I’m fairly certain that if I did have any of that, that kid ...

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Thanks, Mom

When I was nine, I got into a fight with a kid across the street. I don’t recall what started it, other than it was related to a 45 RPM copy of “Joy To The World” by Three Dog Night.

Only I could get into fisticuffs over a song by that title.

The song was a hit at the time in 1971 and the other young man and I were arguing when he threw a punch. So, I threw one back.

It was ...

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