Those who know me well know that I am frugal (or downright cheap, as my children put it).

So, imagine my joy when I recently stopped by the discount bread store and discovered a particular type of wheat that normally runs $3.99 in the grocery store on sale for .99 a loaf. I picked up two loaves.

Cashier: “That will be .99 cents, please.”

Me: “Are you sure that’s correct? I have two loaves.”

Cashier: “Yessir, you’re in luck. It’s half price on Tuesdays for senior citizens.”

I’m only 51 years old.

Granted, the girl behind the counter couldn’t have been any older than 20, but geez, really?

As I walked to my car with my sack full of dollar bread, I wondered if I had arrived at the place that I thought I’d never reach. The place of old.

You see, this wasn’t the first time this has happened to me.

Not long ago, I stopped in for an early morning omelet and coffee at a local restaurant. The young man who waited on me was about 18 or 19 and was nice enough. He left the ticket, I left a tip, and I made my way to the register.

As I looked at my ticket, there it was: “10 percent Senior Discount”. I paid my tab, got in my car, and immediately looked into the rearview mirror.

“I don’t look THAT old,” I said out loud. I struck it up to a young kid who just didn’t know any better.

But after the bread store incident, I was sure that the guy at the restaurant and the girl at the bread store must be dating and were complicit in a cruel practical joke.

A recent study determined that the reason people don’t mind seeing themselves in the mirror, but do mind seeing themselves in a photo is because of mirrors. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we’re the only one that has that view of ourselves. We become comfortable with that view. When others see us, they have a reverse view.

We brush our teeth and comb our hair in front of a mirror, so we see that particular image of ourselves so often that we begin to ignore the things we don’t want to see. Wrinkles. Crows feet. Sagging skin.

Back to young people. The fact is, young people are just poor judges of what old is.

And after my own in-depth analysis, extensive research and many hours of calculations, I’ve determined that anyone under 35 is young, anyone over 95 is old and that everyone who is 51 is the perfect age.

I will do this analysis annually and, of course, the results are subject to change.

©2014 John Moore