Toilet paper should roll over the top, not the bottom.

I believe that one of the best ways to determine if a relationship can work, long-term, is to assess whether your potential partner rolls the toilet paper over the front or the back of the roll.

This simple, yet telling observation is one of a handful of ways you can find that special someone who is right for you.

If the other person insists that you have to conform to their way of toilet paper rolling and wants you to roll the paper over the back, you know that you need to move on. The TP test can save you years of heartache.

If the other person refuses to use the dispenser at all and just sets the roll on the tank of the toilet, there is potential to convert this person. Do not give up on them.

If the person buys single-ply toilet paper and rolls it over the backside of the roll, run away as fast as you can.

There are additional tests of whether a person is suitable for sharing your life. One is the toothpaste tube assessment. If the other person leaves the toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle, with a blob at each end of the tube, that’s a red flag. If you notice that they squeeze the Pepsodent in the center, you might want to go check the toilet paper. It’s likely to be rolled the wrong way.

Another litmus test for compatibility is the paper towels. This is a fairly recent way of measuring whether someone understands right and wrong since half-size paper towels haven’t been on the market that long. Anyone who buys half-size paper towels is likely to be inappropriately squeezing toothpaste tubes and rolling the toilet paper in the wrong direction.

Another surefire way to check that special someone’s readiness for a relationship is the loaf of bread test. Watch them closely as they make a sandwich or take out a couple of slices from the bread bag to make toast. If the person removes the bread and wads up the open end of the plastic bag and sets it back on the counter without putting the twist tie back on it, check the paper towels, toothpaste and toilet paper.

And finally, if the person does all of these things incorrectly but they’re really attractive and you can’t imagine life without them, give them a 50-year grace period.

There’s always a possibility you can reform them.

©John Moore 2014