“There’s a sucker born every minute.” – PT Barnum

I’m continuously amazed at what people will buy.

The new Apple Watch made its debut this week. Prices range from $349 to over $10,000. Yes, you heard me correctly, $10,000. The $10K model is made of gold and only sold in fancy stores in Paris and New York. At least for now. I guess they won’t hit Wal Mart, Dollar General, and other places I shop until later.

According to Apple’s website, “In conjunction with your iPhone, it keeps time within 50 milliseconds of the definitive global time standard. It even lets you customize your watch face to present time in a more meaningful, personal context that’s relevant to your life and schedule.”

Huh?

I just want to know what time it is. I didn’t know I had a personal context, and if I do, I’m pretty sure it’s less than meaningful.

Apple’s website also claims that, “And because it sits right on your wrist, it can add a physical dimension to alerts and notifications. For example, you’ll feel a gentle tap with each incoming message.”

Don’t all watches sit right on your wrist? And as for a gentle tap for incoming messages, my wife communicates with me that way already. Unless she thinks I’m not listening, and then gentle taps grow in their tappiness.

I guess I’m a little confused about the whole watch thing. Younger people have been telling me for a decade that I’m an old fogie for still wearing a watch. Not cool anymore, they tell me.

So, Apple’s marketing plan for their watch is to sell to whom? Me? I already have an $18 Timex from Wally World and it even lights up in the dark. It has big numbers and everything.

Apple also claims that I can “…connect with your favorite people in fun, spontaneous ways — like sending a tap, a sketch, or even your heartbeat.”

Huh?

My wife’s already cornered the market on tapping, I can’t draw, and I’m pretty sure my heart’s still going. Sometimes it goes faster as the tappiness increases.

I have to wonder what Rolex is thinking right about now. Before the Apple Watch unveiling, they had the market cornered on $10,000 watches. I once worked with a guy who wore a Rolex. It looked nice and all, but the watch always seemed to be screaming, “Please come kill me for my watch”.

Kinda like making a scene when you win a lot of money in the casino and then walking to the parking garage by yourself.

I guess I’m the odd man out here. But, the Apple Watch? I just don’t get it.

Heck, if my watch quits, I can always see what time it is on my iPhone.

©2015 John Moore
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