This Spud’s For You

If I were forced to pick only one food item to eat for the rest of my life, it would be potatoes.

Potatoes are amazing. Their versatility seems endless. I challenge you to find another food that can bring the high level of tasty goodness to a meal that the potato does.

Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, red potatoes, scalloped potatoes, potato chips, and my favorite, French fries, are just a few examples of the glorious ways in which a ...

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Say What?

“You can’t make this stuff up.”

Actually, you can.

“These are mostly highway miles.”

Ever had a car salesman say that to you? It’s one of the many lines we’ve been trained to accept as fact.

I’ve never asked an Impala if its life has been an easier one simply because a little old lady from Pasadena drove it to church on the freeway each Sunday instead of a city street, but I’m guessing that a mile is a mile is a mile.

Why is ...

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The Door To Our Past Is A Jar

We buy a lot of food that we used to make ourselves.

Consumerism has made the world a better place, but it’s also made us quite lazy. What we used to be forced to make at home for economic reasons, we now, generally, just go and buy.

Last week, I made what was by my own count, the second loaf of bread in my life. Granted, I used a bread machine and didn’t knead the dough by hand, but it was still ...

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If You Rearrange The Letters, DMV Spells Hell

Sir? May I see your license, please?

As the line at the audiologist’s office began to grow behind me, I fished through my wallet looking for my driver’s license with the frustration and disbelief that only those who are OCD enjoy.

It wasn’t there.

I almost never lose anything.

I looked again. Nope.

“Ma’am, it’s not here. I’ve misplaced it,” I said, refusing to believe I had actually lost it.

Fortunately, coughing up a co-pay and an alternative form of ID got me in.

I flunked my ...

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Can You Hear Me Now?

As a kid, I remember old people being hard of hearing. When I say old, of course I mean people who were older than I am now. The men would cup their hand behind one of their ears, turn toward you and ask you to repeat what you had just said.

I was a radio announcer for over 20 years. Wearing headphones six days a week, five hours a day has obviously taken its toll. I don’t hear well now.

At first, ...

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Men Are Idiots

Let’s face it, men are just idiots.

Despite the best efforts of most guys, we are going to do something aggravating or stupid, whether we like it or not. Women already know this, and they don’t like it either.

There really should be a class in elementary school just to teach boys things to avoid so that one day, when girls no longer have cooties, they’ll know what to do. For some reason, this wisdom is not imparted to young men, so ...

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Automatically Automatic Now

When do I automatically become adjusted to everything being automatic?

The first time I ever saw an automatic faucet was at a Luby’s. I’d gone in to wash up before digging in to my LuAnn Platter when I noticed the sink had no handles.

I looked around to see if Alan Funt had his Candid Camera hidden somewhere, but didn’t see him or a camera.

As I pondered how to get the soap off my hands with no water, a fellow came up ...

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Homemade Coffee Has Its Perks

Some will consider what I’m about to say heresy.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why people wait in long lines each morning to pay $7.50 for a cup of coffee.

My wife and I get up each morning and plug in a percolator that was made when Kennedy was president. This percolator makes the best coffee, bar none, of any I have ever tasted.

While we’re getting dressed, it bloops the water into the crystal glass handle on top. After ...

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My Pet Peeves

My biggest pet peeve is that not enough people share my pet peeves.

If only the rest of the world could understand that it’s the senseless little things that they do that drive the rest of us over the edge.

I have more pet peeves than this space has room for, so I’ll limit my list, lest one of your pet peeves might be a lengthy newspaper column.

The pet peeve that currently tops my list is when a cashier hands me my ...

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You Should Still Open The Door For A Lady

I still open doors for women.

I believe that most women still appreciate chivalry. Sure, there are some who, for one reason or another, don’t want men to do anything for them that they can do themselves, but by and large I notice a genuine appreciation when I show respect to a lady.

Even at my age, if my father saw me going through a door ahead of a lady, not opening a car door, not offering my umbrella in the rain, ...

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