Channeling Your Inner Self

Quality TV is still available.

With my work and family commitments I have very little extra time, so I try to spend it wisely. That’s why I watch cable shows about ancient aliens, digging for buried treasure, and how to survive in the wild with just a piece of string.

Considering the History Channel just ran a marathon of The Curse of Oak Island over the holidays, I’m obviously not the only guy who likes to watch this stuff. Women? Not so much.

Men and women couldn’t be more different when it comes to watching television.

Guys like anything about the supernatural, documentaries about possible locations of the Holy Grail, or movies with women in distress who are saved by men who blow things up.

Women like Lifetime movies starring Lindsay Wagner, Hallmark movies about dogs who save Christmas, and TV shows about rich people who need someone to help them find an overpriced home in a foreign country.

The true test of a relationship is whether you trust your spouse with the TV remote. If a guy really loves his wife, he’ll allow her to take control of it as early as 6:30 p.m., knowing that he may have to watch House Hunters, instead of Hunting Hitler, until bedtime.

If a wife really loves her husband, she’ll allow him to take control of it, knowing that the reverse will likely happen.

Men always know when women want them to change the channel. It goes something like this:

Her: “Honey, are you watching this?”

Him: “Huh?”

Her: “I mean, are you pretty far into this show? Have they actually found a Bigfoot yet?”

Him: “No, but I think they’re close.”

Her: “Well, let me know when you’re tired of this. Lifetime and Hallmark have teamed up and they have a new movie on right now with Lindsay Wagner, and she helps a dog save Christmas.”

(hands remote to wife)

If it’s not a Lifetime or Hallmark movie, it’s some show about buying or redecorating a house.

“Buffy and Tad are searching for a home in this exclusive neighborhood to be closer to their children’s private school. Will they choose the home on the golf course, or the one near the exclusive country club? Find out next on, People With More Money Than You’ll Ever Have.”

On the rare occasion that a man does get to keep control of the remote, the wife is likely to be subjected to a similar fate.

There’s nothing a man loves more than to sit down with a six-pack and a bag of chips and watch several episodes of Survivorman. If you time it just right, you can finish the last beer and chip after completing the episode on how to survive on algae and rainwater in the Amazon Jungle.

The key is to use your TV time prudently. Never waste a moment.

And always make sure that your wife knows that you love her more than Bigfoot.


©2015 John Moore

For more of John’s musings, visit


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