Peter Marshall: “Why do Hells Angels wear leather?”

Paul Lynde: “Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.”

If someone says, “Center square,” and you know what they mean, you grew up at one of the best times in TV history.

I’m talking about game shows, and specifically about Paul Lynde and The Hollywood Squares.

The Internet, for all of its bad facets, also offers some really great things. One stellar offering is the ability to travel back in time to when game shows ruled the daytime airwaves.

A time before political correctness took over common sense. A time when we knew how to laugh at ourselves. And each other. Without getting offended.

Everyone loves games, and everyone loves a winner. Television game shows combined the two, and that led to profitable network contracts, sponsorships, and sometimes, big prizes.

Let’s Make a Deal with Monty Hall provided a venue for folks who liked playing dress-up and winning major appliances. Contestants showed up in outlandish costumes. The more outlandish the better. Often, the craziest costume got them on the show.

Of the game shows, Let’s Make A Deal seemed to require the least amount of skill. Selecting what’s behind door number one, door number two, or door number three, takes little skill and really just boils down to luck.

The Newlywed Game with Bob Eubanks gave home viewers a chance to hear what other couples thought of each other. Including in the boudoir. This was before people got on Facebook and openly shared that sort of private information.

What people had on their minds was the basis of many of the old daytime game shows.

Match Game with Gene Rayburn had a panel of six celebrities and asked the stars and each contestant the same fill-in-the blank question. Guessing what you thought the largest number of the public and celebrities would say could make you the big cash winner.

Gene Rayburn: “Stan, we polled a recent studio audience and asked them to give us their best answer to this: ‘_______ Straw.’ Match the third most popular answer with one of our panelists and  you’ll get $100. The second most popular match is $250 and it’s $500 for the top answer.”

Stan went with Nipsey Russell, Richard Dawson, and Charles Nelson Reilly. Nipsey said “Last Straw;” Richard gave “Drinking Straw;” and Reilly offered “Turkey In The Straw.” If you thought of last straw, you would’ve won $500, as it was the number one answer.

Obviously, since the contestant was paying for a trip to California (even in the 1970s that was likely to exceed winning $500), so the point of the show was entertainment rather than the contestant getting really rich.

Hollywood Squares was similar to Match Game. Squares was essentially tic tac toe, with nine celebrities; one in each of the squares.

Host Peter Marshall asked the contestant to pick a celebrity, a question followed, and the celebrity could either give the right answer or make one up. If the contestant was able to make three-in-a-row by guessing whether the answers were legit or fabricated, they’d win a cash prize. Usually a respectable amount, but not a crazy number of dollars.

Again, it was about the entertainment.

Peter Marshall: “What are ‘dual purpose’ cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?”

Paul Lynde: “They give milk and cookies. But I don’t recommend the cookies.”

Most joke responses pushed the boundaries for the time.

Peter Marshall: “If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?” Paul Lynde: “Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.”

Paul Lynde past away in the early 80s at the age of 55. He was just ahead of the decline of daytime game show popularity.

By the 1990s, game shows, especially the daytime versions, began to disappear from the network schedules.

Some, such as Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy are still with us, but sadly, the days of waiting for our favorite celebrities to come on while we cleaned house or studied for school have pretty much gone.

But thanks to the World Wide Web, we can pull up clips of the old shows, even complete episodes, and relive a time when we could watch someone who was a regular person like us, talk with a real star and hopefully win a great prize.

But hopefully not any chiffon. It wrinkles too easily.

 

©2024 John Moore

John’s books, Puns for Groan People and Write of Passage: A Southerner’s View of Then and Now Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, are available on his website TheCountryWriter.com, where you can also send him a message.