What has happened to this great country? We once held high standards for ourselves. But no more.

I opened our refrigerator and what do I see?

Fake cheese. Actually, fake, fake cheese.

On the package, I read: “Imitation Process Cheese Food.”

What?

Does this mean the process of the cheese food is fake, or processed cheese food is imitation and there’s a real version somewhere else for purchase?

Stay with me here.

On top of that, the package says it’s, “American Flavor.”

What exactly is American flavor? Honestly, ...

Planes used to be a means of travel for the rich. You’d see people in the movies or on TV flying first-class with five-course meals, champagne, cloth napkins, cocktails, and a nice restroom at the back of the plane.

Regular folks traveled by Buick with cans of Vienna Sausages, saltine crackers, and a tree off a state highway somewhere on the way to Carlsbad Caverns.

If we (the regular folks) were lucky, the car had air conditioning. Working air conditioning.

I’ve always had ...

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to find something you’ve misplaced is to buy another one.

I don’t know what magical event occurs when you buy a replacement for that one thing you really need but can’t find, but it’s a real occurrence.

No? Then why do I have six measuring tapes? Two battery testers? Four lawnmower keys? Seven TV remotes?

It never fails. Whenever a measuring tape is needed, it’s nowhere to be found. I dig through the toolbox, ...

It wasn’t my idea of a vacation, but I went anyway.

Reagan was happily in the White House. I was reluctantly in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

The choice had been either a relaxing summer trip to the lake, or a marketing convention.

I lost the coin toss.

In an effort to make the best of it, I arose early before the first day of the convention, quietly dressed, and steered the Dodge out of the motel parking lot and into the morning.

I was searching for ...

Vacuum cleaners have come a long way. Too far, if you ask me.

My grandmother and all of her friends had a canister vacuum cleaner. It looked like a piece of rocket booster that NASA clipped off a Saturn 5 and gave to Electrolux. A motor was inserted to the inside, along with a collection bag, and a hose to the outside.

My grandmother and her friends would drag the canister vacuum around the house on its wheels and pick up all ...

We all have that one friend who never seems to age. You know, the one from high school who shows up at the class reunion and they look just like they did in 12th grade?

I have no idea what causes a person to look exactly the same as they did at age 18, even when they’re 60, but I didn’t get any of that. Matter of fact, I’m fairly certain that if I did have any of that, that kid ...

When I was nine, I got into a fight with a kid across the street. I don’t recall what started it, other than it was related to a 45 RPM copy of “Joy To The World” by Three Dog Night.

Only I could get into fisticuffs over a song by that title.

The song was a hit at the time in 1971 and the other young man and I were arguing when he threw a punch. So, I threw one back.

It was ...

Families didn’t used to take the volume of photographs that we do now. The cameras of decades ago made it cost prohibitive to shoot the number of pictures we do today.

Cell phones have made it simple and virtually free to take great photos. Other than the expense of the phone and a connection, we can take as many as we want.

Kodak once ruled the photo business. Almost all of the film, and many of the cameras America used were made ...

I thought the cast iron skillet my mom cooked virtually every meal in when I was a child was her favorite. I now know that she cooked with it because it was the only skillet she had.

That skillet represented how many families in small town America lived in the 50s and 60s – as simply and inexpensively as possible. The goal was to just get by.

Growing up in Arkansas as the child and grandchild of parents and grandparents who weathered ...

If there’s anything crueler than insomnia; it’s insomnia topped with a weakness for cooking gadgets sold on 3 a.m. infomercials.

Of course, I’m blessed with both.

Let’s face it. Cooking requires just two things: Something to cook, and heat.

So, why is it there are so many different ways to cook, and why do I feel it mandatory to own all of them?

The short answer is that I’m a sucker. I’m exactly the guy the people who make infomercials are looking for. Someone ...