Pinball and Bowling Are Different

Pinball and Bowling Are Different

He’s a stupid idiot.

If some future civilization discovers our ruins and writings, I’d highly doubt that even a Rosetta Stone would help them. Between redundancy, poorly crafted metaphors, and oxymorons, they’ll never figure us out.

Recently, I was working in my shop on a John Deere lawn tractor that had taken ill, when an ad came on the TV set behind me claiming that something was ‘new and improved’. How can it be both? I guess it’s just as possible as ...

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English Language

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May The Fourth Be With You

May The Fourth Be With You

Independence Day is a great day to watch Independence Day.

Most families have their own holiday traditions. At Christmas at our house, it’s serving specific dishes for dinner. At Thanksgiving, it’s having a smoked ham.

At some point over the last decade, watching the movie “Independence Day” has become our Fourth of July tradition.

We usually grill something, thank the Good Lord for our country, and then sit down to watch Will Smith fight aliens.

It’s a good time.

However, I miss the old Fourth ...

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Holidays

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Charge It

Charge It

We bought an electric car.

First, let me say that I do not consider myself a hippie, tree hugger, environmental whacko, or anything of the sort. But I do believe that being a good steward of my little piece of Mother Nature is the responsible thing to do.

And being a cheapskate helps. Buying less fuel is always nice.

In 2003, my wife and I bought our first hybrid car. Cars that were both gasoline and electric were not common then. I considered ...

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Cars

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Say What?

Say What?

“You can’t make this stuff up.”

Actually, you can.

“These are mostly highway miles.”

Ever had a car salesman say that to you? It’s one of the many lines we’ve been trained to accept as fact.

I’ve never asked an Impala if its life has been an easier one simply because a little old lady from Pasadena drove it to church on the freeway each Sunday instead of a city street, but I’m guessing that a mile is a mile is a mile.

Why is ...

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Unanswered Questions, Uncategorized

The Door To Our Past Is A Jar

The Door To Our Past Is A Jar

We buy a lot of food that we used to make ourselves.

Consumerism has made the world a better place, but it’s also made us quite lazy. What we used to be forced to make at home for economic reasons, we now, generally, just go and buy.

Last week, I made what was by my own count, the second loaf of bread in my life. Granted, I used a bread machine and didn’t knead the dough by hand, but it was still ...

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Food, Home Cooking, Uncategorized

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TV Or Not TV? That is the question.

TV Or Not TV? That is the question.

Remember when we had three TV channels with decent programming?

Now I have cable TV and still only have about three TV channels with decent programming.

Recently, the cable company called me to tell me that they detected that my cable signal was weak and that it needed to be fixed.

I have to hand it to them. It wasn’t so long ago that trying to get any TV provider to answer the phone when you had a problem was virtually impossible. So, ...

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Television

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Chickens Don’t Have Fingers

Chickens Don’t Have Fingers

Who’s in charge of choosing and naming the food?

Recently during a night out at dinner, I noticed food names on the menu, which I normally think nothing of, but the more I thought about them, the weirder they sounded.

This, in turn, made me think of foods which shouldn’t even be food.

Some food names may be effective in selling the product, but they can also be downright creepy. And some things just shouldn’t be eaten.

Chicken fingers. Somehow, this menu item, normally ...

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Food, Home Cooking, Restaurants

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We Had A Lot Of Class

We Had A Lot Of Class

“J-O-H-N-N-Y,” I said.

Mrs. Walker looked across the desk at me and smiled. She thanked me for telling her how to spell my name. I liked Mrs. Walker from the start. She was nice to me.

It was 1968. Johnson was about to leave the White House and Nixon was soon to be elected. It was a tumultuous year for the country, and it was my first year of school.

This particular day was registration day. I said I liked Mrs. Walker, and ...

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School

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Listen To Your Heart

Listen To Your Heart

“Mister Moore, I have bad news. You’ve had a heart attack.”

This was not going to be a typical Wednesday.

I stared at the ER physician from my ambulance gurney and tried to process what my wife, boss and I had just heard.

“How bad was it?” I asked.

“Significant,” he responded.

At the ripe old age of 52, I was the newest member of the coronary club.

For almost two days, I’d had the classic symptoms; significant chest pressure, pain radiating down my left arm ...

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Medical

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Ice Cream You Scream

Ice Cream You Scream

Ice cream is the perfect dessert.

After years of trying lots of different sweets, and teetering on the brink of numerous diabetic comas, I have come to the conclusion that ice cream is, in fact, the perfect dessert.

I have long argued that pie is better than cake, and I stand by that argument. However, choosing an overall best in the sweets category is easy. It’s ice cream.

Ice cream is far above other desserts in its diversity, taste, texture, and its consistency ...

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Home Cooking

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